The news and acceptance:

It was early in the morning, I woke up with a sore throat, and was wondering what I ate the previous day because there were no symptoms of cold or cough. The next day, I ignored the fact that my body was feeling a little lazy and I was very determined to go to the gym as usual. So I got ready and hugged my dear husband saying bye. Ouch Ouch OOuuchh!! I could feel ouchiness in my nipples to be precise. Later on that day my heart started pounding fast, I was terrified and did not understand what’s going on with my body. I thought I would see and observe a bit, so I waited not booking an appointment with the doctor. The very next day I woke up with shortness in breath and heart pounding. So, I just brushed my teeth, changed my clothes and went straight to the nearby hospital. The nurse asked me for the purpose of my visit. After listening to my symptoms he asked me if I am pregnant and I said “not that I know, hello…! ;)”. So he considered me as an emergency case and forwarded me to a doctor where I was taken for a total body checkup.

Meanwhile in my head I was thinking there might be something serious about my health. What if I die? What about my angel husband? And all sorts of ideas. Looking at the reports which looked completely fine, the doctor asked me to observe my heart beat for 24 hours, and if it still seems abnormal I can come back and they will take care. I went home rested a bit and was constantly observing my heartbeat. At this point I was feeling sensitive and emotional for no reason at all. The very next day I noticed that I wasn’t able to stand some smells such as boiling rice, only then I realised that maybe I could be pregnant :). I told my husband about my enlightenment ;), also told that I will get a kit to test and confirm whether that is the case. So, that day evening I tested myself and guess what…? It was positive :).

Although we didn’t plan for kids anytime soon, my dear husband was happy to know that we were pregnant. The news really didn’t sink into me, I had this rush of feelings where I was thinking about my future plans and da da da. I visited a midwife and she told me that I was 5 weeks pregnant, I was ok and still the truth didn’t sink into me. I am doing everything that I can do to keep the baby safe and healthy although there is little offbeat within myself. I made sure it’s not an ectopic pregnancy and checked if the fetus is at the right place. Because I thought its important to know that everything is fine with the baby and pregnancy before I sign in for emotional investment.

When I was 14 weeks pregnant I noticed some spotting which confused me a bit, but I told myself it was probably because I walked the whole day in a shopping mall. I went back home, read a few articles and blogs and did what I could at that night. The next day I went for a scan and made sure everything was fine and came to know that it was implantation bleeding. I was happy that the baby was safe, that’s when I realised my total acceptance for the pregnancy and motherhood. I came back home and literally spoke to my baby saying that look mom and dad are happy to have you, stay with us :). That’s when the journey of pregnancy really started for me :). Today, I enjoy and cherish every moment I spend with Vismai (my dear son).

I can explain all of this in just a few lines but, I wanted to tell it in detail just so that you know you’re not alone and it’s going to be okay. The feeling of unknowingness can be exhausting and terrifying, but believe me it’s going to be okay, take a pause and breath. It’s ok for not being able to accept your pregnancy, it’s okay if something is feeling offbeat, it’s okay if no one is getting your feelings and it’s really ok to feel your feelings, acknowledge them, deal with them and make peace with them. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings because ignoring them will not help you in the long run, deal with them so that you will know what to do next time when the same feeling arises,and finally make peace with them so that you can break the chain of reactivity and respond to the feelings with more ease. To the women and to be mothers out there, pregnancy and motherhood can be joyful when you choose it to be :). 

Please comment and let me know if you can relate to my journey in any way or like my post ;). Also, share it with your near and dear ones if you feel it would be helpful for them. I am looking forward to knowing your pregnancy stories and experiences :). Let’s learn from each other’s experiences and make this journey joyful and insightful :).

Thanks for your time and see you soon 🙂